(Please read till the last line and now don’t just jump there it will spoil everything, so please be kind to my hard work)
(Chinese product with guarantee)
Sometimes my little brain starts functioning in a terribly stupid ways and I get outstandingly disastrous results but sometimes the results are great, for an instance I am having a “strawberry coffee”. Mother is sacred of me using the LPG burner at night as she thinks that I will forget to turn of the gas and we will be severing roasted humans in the morning newspaper headlines so I had to use that micro-wave thing (I love it, thank god it was invented). The extra strong black coffee with no sugar (a perfect medicine to shoo away the sleep) was rotating in it getting warmed up and some super sexy strawberries where in fridge waiting to travel down belly (not exactly belly m thin these days) so off I went for the knife and sliced them into my coffee and now I am LOVING IT (gawd!!! I am a scientist). Now I am sure a lot of you will try it, so just a warning try at your own risk and don’t curse me later.
Now enough of an opening statement let’s get to business LOL!!! Well just like this extraordinarily delicious result of my impulsive urge to experiment, was a try that I gave to my life when I met this girl “Anaya”. (For the record Anaya if you are reading this then babes I’m sure you will beep beep me when you meet me.)
Engineering was the thing that happened to me and now when I look back all I have in my mind is WTF I am an engineer (joke of century). Since I never had any interest in engineer but had to go to this college because my parents were paying really big to them to carve an engineer out of an ass. And because I was never interested whatever was electricity saying to transformers or whatever was the relationship between magnetic flux and movement of the armature, or to top it off why was there only one step up transformer in the entire power system transmission and distribution circuit, current came from somewhere and left for somewhere else, why in this F*&^ing world I should bother. So I had to find something to amuse myself so I may spend those terrible hours in college.
Here came to my help all the co-curricular societies of my college. Being fully trained in the communication and presentation skills I got through the interview of nearly all of them, may it be SAE (society of automotive engineers) or ISTE (Indian society of technical education) or CC (computer club) or SCIE (student’s chapter of I E, don’t know what that was) but what actually caught me was this club called PFA (Photography and Fine Arts Club) totally annihilated in an rural engineering college (**I hate those jerk rural quota people, we urban students were like outcast for them), so here I came to rescue the club. Asked the teacher to grant me access to everything in club and I would get it on top. Now getting PFA on top became the sole purpose of my college regime.
In beginning we were only 3 guys who started it and within 3 months we were the leading society in our inter college cultural cum technical fest GENESIS. Everywhere in college people could see the name of PFA shining and whole admin, graduate, post graduate blocks were covered by the posters and flexes announcing events by my club and my name shinning at the bottom for all details. We were hilarious so proud and we in fact rocked. I was appointed as the convener of the club and we started with new interviews and I got a bit of nice response and we became a team of about 17 boys and girls. I was the ruthless when it came to work and my mates would call me Hitler at the back and I loved it (Hitler is my personal favorite person from European history only second to Julius Cesar). And just before two days of the showdown I made 36 full A size charts for the club all in 10 hours.
Final day came and it was great we were declared the champions and it was awesome.
It was that me and one of my mates were standing and two girls approached us to enquire about the main PTU fest, one of them was ridiculously dumb couldn’t even speak a word even when I tried to talk to her and the other one was a pathetic loud mouth, babbling bimbo “I have done this, I have done that…blaah blaah blaah” as if I cared. I asked for their numbers and the dumb one gave me hers and the loud mouth gave me her mother (like now I was going to play text messages with her mom!!! And have an extra martial affair). And we asked them to leave. I had no inclination for sending them but one of the events for the fest was the place where we lacked so I had in my mind that the dumb one could be fit for that so I put here there but I knew that she wouldn’t got without that loud-mouth so I filled her in some other crap event (in which she never won till date LOL!!!) and we were all set.
Now I used ORKUT those days and I was just surfing here and there and I saw a profile and I knew that it was that dumb one named Anaya, don’t know what came on my head and I added her. She accepted and we started chatting, soon it was dinner time and I had to call of the chat but since I had her number so I asked if she would like to continue on texts. She took a while and eventually said yes (couldn’t resist me, m so yummy I know, kidding).
Then we started chatting through the night, talking about how was college and normal stuff. And it happened so that I asked her if she was in any relationship and she told me she was out of one recently (honest kid) and I told her I had one long time back and me being a douche bag just blurted out that m not a virgin!!! Off went a pause of few minutes and the good nights were said.
(** strawberry slice in my coffee yummier, love it)
Within few days me and her connected pretty were and all of a sudden we were chatting all the times even through our lectures and breaks in college and all the time at home even when I was shitting I would chat with her. There was something in this girl that got me and I felt somehow connected to her. I knew that she was very-very hurt and gravely depressed from life and it was not sympathy or any similar emotion that bound me to her but it was that for the first time in my life I felt that I was real with someone and someone was real with me.
We always chatted never met till it was PTU fest and we went to the fest together, we went to Jalandhar together with our other college guys and gals. She was the participant for on the spot painting and I was for the debate and elocution we didn’t talk. She sat with a senior girl and I was standing at the door of the bus (my fav place). But we did exchange few messages. And all during the fest it was good and nice I went to see how she was doing at her event and she was par excellence. Though both of us lost at the inter – university level but we were still happy somehow (but at the previous levels she was declared the best artist of PTU and I the best orator of PTU).
On our way back I was dancing on pathetic Punjabi songs and enjoying myself with one of my mate, god it was so much fun. Sometime both of us became girls using shawls and sometime drunkards using coke bottles and what not. And there this girl was sitting in window all by herself with some tears in her eyes. So I went up to her and asked to join us for the dance and as I knew she turned me down (sobbing). And I was like whatever!!! But after that I couldn’t dance with my heart so I retired myself to sit in the door feeling the breeze smelling petrol and dust and diesel burning in passing vehicles. And we came to college and then respective homes and good nights were texted.
We met personally for the first time few days back in college parking when she was wearing our workshop uniform looking like a total aunty ji. I gave her a chocolate as I promised her once. We talked for a lot of time and it was fun though she spoke very less but it was good. We talked in Hindi as I thought she didn’t knew Punjabi but when her mother called her she spoke pretty nice Punjabi , that was a shock. We talked about college’s eyuckness and shared some jokes. That was our first private meeting.
Few days later on New Year’s she was wished by a guy named Suraj (name changed but it’s a synonym). That person happened to be my classmate and somehow a person whom I treated as my best friend but we were having a terrible fight and were not in talking terms. So a bulb just blazed in my mind “may be this girl can become a link between me and Suraj” so of I went and told her the entire story and asked her if she could help. She agreed to give a shot and with some efforts Suraj and Tanu became good friends. Chat buddies initially and then later they met (he was drunk when he met her). She would tell me about him and I felt happy that he was happy.
She made me see the movie Janne tu ya Janne na, taught me how to drive car, I made here jump out of the window of her class when the class was going on and everyone was shocked that TANU (the cry babe did that). People called her chinki (Chinese) and I loved it. We were on bunks all the time and never got detained because PFA club got us duty leaves LOL (mis-use of authority).
Then came valentine’s and I was the most looked at guy. Now I looked really good in my eyes irrespective of that people didn’t like it. The white glossy shirt and a little blue sparkle tint in my hair. I and Tanu spent entire day sitting in a ground of college and by god we were celebrities. Though we sat there as best buddies talking and joking but people declared us a couple. And every one was looking at us. I was lying with my head on her bag near her lap but it looked as if my head was in her lap. And we were famous. She was too dumb to realize what happened or she was too kind to ignore the people. I would rather go with the later one (she’s dangerously sweet and kind, Mother Teresa).
In some time it was that she was best and only friend of mine and a close friend of Suraj’s. For me Suraj had a great value in my life but for him I was just a competitor whom he had to defeat in every aspect.
My birthday was coming (even now its coming and m waiting desperately) and this fellow from nowhere thought that I will propose Anaya on my birthday so that she couldn’t turn me down. So to confirm that me and Anaya were not seeing each other and his coast was clear he asked he that if me and Anaya were dating and Anaya told him that we were buddies. Then he took his shot and proposed Anaya on 9’ May’ 2009. And Anaya bewildered and shocked called me. And I asked to say that she needs time. So she said it like that.
My birthday came and went was nice she came to wish me and sent me flowers (the ones which are normally sent on someone’s funeral). (** Holy shit I hate this song “tune jo na kha vo main suntan raha” now I’ll have to listen it whole day.)
Now comes here comes the tsunami.
On 21 May 2009 I call Anaya at about 11:30 pm and asked her if she would do something for me. and she said yes!!
Me: ”Anaya I know I am being a jerk but I want you to say yes to Suraj’s proposal”
Me: please say something
Anaya: “are you crazy?”
Me: (crying and crying): “he needs you”
Anaya (crying): “I can’t.”
Eventually after about two hours of me pleading and crying she agreed and said yes to him at 2:40 am of 22 May 2009. And Anaya and Suraj became a couple.
We didn’t talk whole day. I locked myself in my room and cried and cried. Don’t know why but I was hurt and the pain was uncontrollable.
Somehow Suraj’s happiness and his urge to defeat me were more important to me than anything else in this world.
Finally I called her in evening and we couldn’t talk but just cry. And she asked if I could meet her. I knew it would be the last time I am meeting her because Suraj loathed me and disgusted me to his core and fire of his hatred for me was too ferocious for Anaya to extinguish and I didn’t want her to get burnt in it. I knew he would love her and she would eventually forget it.
And for me I knew I wasn’t fit for not only her but any other girl. It wasn’t that I would love her or care for her but I was chucked up in the confusion of my life. And I couldn’t play with a divine girl like her. Gay or straight or bisexual I was not fit for her. (Still I am not).
But in that day of sheer tears and anguish and agony all I realized was that I was in love with her. Don’t know what that love was, as a friend or as something beyond that? But it was love.
And when I met her next to next day I couldn’t see in her eyes and we sat trying not to look into each other’s eyes. I gave her a pink rose (always loved that pink blush on her cheeks so gifted her something which would complement her) and a letter in wish I gave her a million reasons why she shouldn’t be with me.
We sat there for some time and then Suraj called her that he was coming and I knew I had to leave.
I left with tears in my eyes tearing my eyes from her’s and went straight to my college gurudwara and shattered in front of my baba ji.
Sometimes we give up on the one we love for someone we want to see happy.
**I could feel my pain but now I know what pain she went through all that time. I am sorry for what I did to you Anaya please curse me to my grave for this.
My last message to her:
jaane tu mera kya hai, jaane tu mera kya tha, tu hi mera har pal, tu hi har lamha tha;
jaane kaisi kashish hai, jaane kaisi khalish hai, kyun ye saansein thami hain
aankhon mein kyun nami hai;
hai ye dosti humko yaheen tha, dosti aur kuch bhi nahi tha, hai ye kaisa dard nayaa sa
kyun dil lagta toota toota,
jaana, dil jaana, kaise maine na jaana, ke pyaar yahi hai, ye jaane tu, ya jaane na
hoti thi tujhse subha har din ki, teri dopahar se shaam ki dhun thi, hoti thi raatein teri baahon mein khoye
tere khayaalon mein hi jaage aur soye….
tu jo nahi to kya, rahaa
jaane tu mera kya hai, jaane tu mera kya tha, tu hi mera har pal,
tu hi har lamha tha;
jaana, dil jaana, kaise tune na jaana
ye pyaar hi hai;
haan jaane tu, ya jaane .. na
haan jaane tu, ya jaane .. na
(And just so you all know the coffee sucked badly. Don’t try it please. It was dreadful)